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• (618): View more from Illinois

  how was the sex?

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  well, there's that.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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• (858): View more from California

  my life trainwreck boards at 9:30

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....

  Fav 25 2984 4938

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Employee of the year! :)

  Fav 5 2226 903

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

  Fav 5 2627 1045

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.

  (360): View more from Washington

  It was me.

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• (415): View more from California

  Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.

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• (143): View more from

  I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.

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• (530): View more from California

  He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  fuck you

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo

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