You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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