Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
