Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
