she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
