Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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