Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize