My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
