last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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