I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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