I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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