is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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