Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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