Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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