God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
