I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize