I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
