boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
