I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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