I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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