piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
