I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
