there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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