I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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