Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
no you cant smoke seaweed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize