I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
