My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
