I'm going to jail i love you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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