I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
