Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
