I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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