Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
