i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize