Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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