Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
