Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize