I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
