So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
