it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
