im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
