you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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