I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sorry about my life...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
