I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
