You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
