I think I died a long time ago.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize