hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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