scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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