when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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