You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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