i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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