Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize