I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
