oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there's paper in my vomit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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