I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
