i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize