You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
