Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
