There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
