Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
