We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
