Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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