I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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