At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love you. Go after that dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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