Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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