I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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