I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
