Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
