All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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