Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
