but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
