ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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