i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
