Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize